It feels good to feel good.

Something's Changed.

And I hope for the irrevocable Better.

I don't exactly know what happened. Or how. But, I'm feeling good. So good, that I'm telling people that I'm feeling good. Yeah, That good.

Why so? If you're 12 hours from a mid-term that you haven't even started to study for, and feel the urge for a rambling long post about mostly nothing, read ahead :)

This whole MBA thing can, at first blush, be Incredibly overwhelming. I think I was caught up in it to the point of completing losing myself. This past week was the worst. For four days in a row, I didn't go to bed. I did get some sleep, but every single night it was falling asleep at my computer in the midst of doing something related to school. The work keeps piling up, and falling behind is a nightmare. I'd resorted to rereading Suzy's blog and asking myself why I wasn't having that much fun at school.

Then, Wednesday happened.

I was long overdue sending the film script to my cohort, and I felt painfully guilty that I might be letting them down. Especially those who were part of the effort. Woke up all groggy, decided to skip a presentation, and walked to school not really wanting to face the day. Then, I ran into a dazzling smile, we got lunch together, and my friend who's been helping with the script arrived. Far from being critical, he understood what was going on with the workload. We talked some, and made a plan of action. Walked over to meet Byron to work on a case, and walked away feeling that we were going to get this one done good.

It was time to go to an elementary school to tutor a 2nd grade kid with his homework after school. I think rewarding is the wrong word for my first time doing the after-school thing, but I do hope to be able to use it at the end of a year working with him. It was definitely relaxing. Got back to school, skipped yet another presentation - this time by a consultant from Bain - and headed to Dean Kole's coffee hour. Was hot-chocolate-with-marshmallows chilling with a fellow blogger, when I got an email from a prospective student who reads my blog and had visited campus and read my blog and it brought a big smile to my face.

Next up - the Late Night Gun Run.

One of the props for our cohort movie is a gun, and I set out to procure one. I've got to say, it's really hard to find a fake gun - even in the south side of Chicago! I was wishing many times that I was packing a real one as I drove, totally lost, through some dark and seemingly dangerous 'hoods. Two hours later, I found myself in the toys section of a Wal-Mart holding a machine-gun-looking Star Wars artefact. That's the best they could do. On a whim, i walked by the real guns section and there it was - a Piece I could use. It was some sort of pellet gun, but it looked workeable. Got it, and drove back with that dont-mess-with me satisfaction on my face.

Thursday got better. Class was great, followed by a really great lunch with one of my squadmates, then another class, a movie shoot (with said gun), hanging out at the Pub, an 8PM study group meeting, finding parking right outside a coffee place in Lincoln Park, hanging out at TNDC with a bunch of GSB people, and getting plugged into the juicy school hook-ups grapevine on the drive back. Sleep. Finally.

Friday was an absolute blast. 10AM meeting with my consulting group. Oh, i've got to write about this, deserves its own post. Short version is that I am doing a consulting project for a non-profit as part of one of the clubs with 5 other first years. Not sure how I'm managing to fit this in my schedule, but this is really great stuff. Meeting ended at 12. Then onto next study group at 12:30 to do my econ homework. I love these people. We are in our LEAD squad together too, and they are positively one of the best groups I have ever worked with in my life. This thing went on for about three hours, and it was time to LPF. I didn't drink, going that I was to drive.

There are a few people here at the GSB who I think are really awesome, and hanging out with two of them(ha, I should call them M&M, both their names start with M)later that evening did wonders to my happiness quotient. M(2) and I went to check out Second Fridays. There is a part of town called the Chicago Arts District filled with artist live-work lofts and they had around 12 gallery openings that night. Gratis wine in hand, we strolled around checking out some art, got invited to the opening day play at a brand-new alternative theater which was very interesting, did the art thing some more, and drove by Wakechick's place (which, btw, is a very cool neighborhood) to grab dinner in a backyard cabana at a winebar. Their steak tartare can be an almost perfect accompaniment to a heated debate. Good times.

Started Saturday on 3 hours sleep at 6:30 AM. Put on a suit for the first time since my last MBA interview to make an 8:30 presentation for the beforementioned nonprofit consulting project. It went really well, and until past noon. Zipped back to campus, and in all my formal finery, sat down for two hours to prepare for a study group meeting that ended oh around 8. Back home, and then to a piano bar downtown with a friend from the I-house, then to McDonald's for a greasy dinner, and then a 20-minute wait for the valet to bring me my car, and then to getting utterly and completely lost. I *gasp* stopped to ask for directions, and arrived, after spending over 30 minutes trying to find the place, at the GSB party. Was surrounded by familiar faces and yet felt very alone, so walked out in like 15. I was wondering when I'd get to that point with all the 'networking' going on.

So, you ask, what's the point of this blow-by-blow of the last few days of my life?
Well, it seems like I've been doing a lot-actually more than I've packed into a usual day, but I feel no stress at all anymore. I don't understand it. I still have the same amount of work, I haven't started working on my resume that's due in 3 days, my script needs finishing and shoots scheduling, and I have a homework and quiz in what's now 11 hours.

But it's almost like I'm back on a train with a backpack winging each day as it comes. Gotta say, it's a wonderful feeling. I'm beginning to see this experience as one that's still waiting to be discovered. And that I won't find it if I follow the motions of the appointments that already fill my calendar for the next month. It's the gun runs, the rooftop sake sipping, the going to concerts for the food, that I'm going to remember years from now, not the studying or schmoozing or midterm questions.

I may be stupid for thinking thus, but I'm feeling good.

This morning, I got a gift - a very nice laptop sleeve for my PowerBook! It's just the nicest thing that anyone's done for me in a long time.

Can this feeling good thing get any better?