Thursday, October 07, 2004

Contemplating Confucius on my way to California

Right now, I'm experiencing a familiar sinking feeling. My aim was to get done with Wharton essays last night. They are not. Man, I so wanted to not get into the last-minute mode which screwed me up last time.

Confucius said, "Study the past, if you would define the future". Well, I have studied the past, big time, but I guess I'm not doing much about learning from it to define the future. I don't feel good about myself today. Where is my sense of fear, of urgency, of hunger ? I know things will not automatically fall into place at the last minute. I might comfort myself deep down somewhere that they will, but experience tells me they will not. It's pull up my new-socks-that-i-bought-for-class-visits time. The reason I wanted to get this done with was because I will be in CA tonite and spend tomorrow visiting Stanford (though not sure what I'll do there except the infosession) and Berkeley monday. I didn't want to have any other distractions and spend time at those schools thinking only about the schools. As Confucius also said, "Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart". The plan as it stands now is to work more on my essays on airports/planes tonite and hopefully I will have them done.

Alex, in my feedback session, told me that one of the reasons I was dinged was timing, applying in R3 and that I should, now that I have the time, work to submit in R1 this time around. So, what have I done to improve my candidacy since the last time ? The honest answer has to be nothing really, no ? That hurts.

But, all is not lost yet, and I will work this thing out, whatever it takes. I turn yet again to good old Confucius for inspiration:
"Heaven, when it is about to place a great responsibility on a man, always first tests his resolution, wears out his sinews and bones with toil, exposes his body to starvation, subjects him to extreme poverty, frustrates his efforts so as to stimulate his mind, toughen his nature, and make good his deficiencies. Men for the most part can mend their ways only after they made mistake. Only when they are frustrated in mind and in their deliberations can they stand up anew. "


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